Past The Wishing

So, I am sitting here in front of the computer while my wonderful husband is making dinner. How blessed am I! I have been contemplating a lot today. On Wednesday we will celebrate 9 years of marriage. Hard to believe, especially since we knew each other for 5 years before we got married. So, I'm kind of taking inventory of my life, since I'm certainly not getting any younger, nor will I ever. I can look around me and see so much that I am grateful for. I have 3 beautiful kids, a husband who loves me unconditionally, a house, opportunity to sing (perhaps my heart's deepest desire), my husband has a steady paycheck, I've got a sweet as can be dog, the list goes on and on. Why then are the things that play over and over in my mind not these things?

It seems I am constantly plagued by wishful thinking. I wish we were out of debt. I wish I would lose weight. I wish we had a bigger house. I wish, I wish, I wish. Well, I'm so incredibly tired of wishing. I do not live in a Disney movie, so wishing isn't going to get me anywhere. So how do I put to rest these struggles?

I believe I need to be proactive in my life against these things in order to feel like things are moving in the right direction. It seems all I've done is a lot of wishing, a lot of good intentions and a whole lot of lack of results!

I started the biggest loser club for 23 people - have I really pushed myself at all in the three weeks since it started? No. Talk about loser! So today, today I decided it would be different. Someone asked me, 'how bad do you want it?' Good question. How bad do I want to lose this horrible weight that has sucked up way too much of my life? How bad do I want to taste the freedom of being debt free? How bad do I want to have a home that I'm proud of - regardless of size or location?

It's time for a change. I set goals for myself for the week for my weight loss journey - this week I am going to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, 5-6 days this week. I am also going to write down everything I eat. Then I started thinking about this whole goal thing. Maybe that's how I need to attack all these issues. Set goals. Small, attainable goals that lead to big, overall change.

What is my financial goal for the week? I am researching ways to cut our bills, looking at ditching the cable and home phone and also getting a quote for insurance. This will be done by the end of the week, with decisions made and change in place.

What is my homemaking goal for the week? I am going to go through the clothes that the baby has already outgrown and bag them up. I am going to come up with a game plan to deal with the day to day upkeep of the house.

What is my marriage goal for the week? I am going to make lunch for my husband.

What is my Jesus goal for the week? I am going to spend at least 15 minutes a day with Him, reading, journaling and praying.

That's a lot to start - but I can take a deep breath and feel positive about being proactive. No, everything isn't fixed, yes, the thoughts and frustrations will still come. But I will be moving forward toward the life that I've always wished for.

I love the Sara Groves song Past the Wishing -

I’m standing at the foot of this mountain
Wishing so bad that I could touch that sky
But in the time it takes to make my wish
I never take a step and I never try
I wish that I were closer to Jesus
But not enough to get me out of bed
For an early morning prayer before the
Rushes of my life take me instead
I'm past the wishing
Past the wishing
Past the wishing
I'm gazing in these deep well waters
Where the pennies of my life have all been cast
I’ve decided I am going to save my money
To do something that lasts
You've shown me my man of Macedonia
You're calling me further on
And I'm tired of saying it's a nice idea
I wish it could be done
I don't wish that I could go I am going
I don't wish that I could be I am being
I don't wish that I could do it I am doing
By the grace of God I am doing


I am past the wishing.