Past The Wishing

So, I am sitting here in front of the computer while my wonderful husband is making dinner. How blessed am I! I have been contemplating a lot today. On Wednesday we will celebrate 9 years of marriage. Hard to believe, especially since we knew each other for 5 years before we got married. So, I'm kind of taking inventory of my life, since I'm certainly not getting any younger, nor will I ever. I can look around me and see so much that I am grateful for. I have 3 beautiful kids, a husband who loves me unconditionally, a house, opportunity to sing (perhaps my heart's deepest desire), my husband has a steady paycheck, I've got a sweet as can be dog, the list goes on and on. Why then are the things that play over and over in my mind not these things?

It seems I am constantly plagued by wishful thinking. I wish we were out of debt. I wish I would lose weight. I wish we had a bigger house. I wish, I wish, I wish. Well, I'm so incredibly tired of wishing. I do not live in a Disney movie, so wishing isn't going to get me anywhere. So how do I put to rest these struggles?

I believe I need to be proactive in my life against these things in order to feel like things are moving in the right direction. It seems all I've done is a lot of wishing, a lot of good intentions and a whole lot of lack of results!

I started the biggest loser club for 23 people - have I really pushed myself at all in the three weeks since it started? No. Talk about loser! So today, today I decided it would be different. Someone asked me, 'how bad do you want it?' Good question. How bad do I want to lose this horrible weight that has sucked up way too much of my life? How bad do I want to taste the freedom of being debt free? How bad do I want to have a home that I'm proud of - regardless of size or location?

It's time for a change. I set goals for myself for the week for my weight loss journey - this week I am going to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, 5-6 days this week. I am also going to write down everything I eat. Then I started thinking about this whole goal thing. Maybe that's how I need to attack all these issues. Set goals. Small, attainable goals that lead to big, overall change.

What is my financial goal for the week? I am researching ways to cut our bills, looking at ditching the cable and home phone and also getting a quote for insurance. This will be done by the end of the week, with decisions made and change in place.

What is my homemaking goal for the week? I am going to go through the clothes that the baby has already outgrown and bag them up. I am going to come up with a game plan to deal with the day to day upkeep of the house.

What is my marriage goal for the week? I am going to make lunch for my husband.

What is my Jesus goal for the week? I am going to spend at least 15 minutes a day with Him, reading, journaling and praying.

That's a lot to start - but I can take a deep breath and feel positive about being proactive. No, everything isn't fixed, yes, the thoughts and frustrations will still come. But I will be moving forward toward the life that I've always wished for.

I love the Sara Groves song Past the Wishing -

I’m standing at the foot of this mountain
Wishing so bad that I could touch that sky
But in the time it takes to make my wish
I never take a step and I never try
I wish that I were closer to Jesus
But not enough to get me out of bed
For an early morning prayer before the
Rushes of my life take me instead
I'm past the wishing
Past the wishing
Past the wishing
I'm gazing in these deep well waters
Where the pennies of my life have all been cast
I’ve decided I am going to save my money
To do something that lasts
You've shown me my man of Macedonia
You're calling me further on
And I'm tired of saying it's a nice idea
I wish it could be done
I don't wish that I could go I am going
I don't wish that I could be I am being
I don't wish that I could do it I am doing
By the grace of God I am doing


I am past the wishing.

Confidence

Are you feeling deflated? Not so sure about the journey that lies before you? Were you all excited, but now the excitement has died down? When we start a journey, many times the beginning can be so filled with positive emotions - joy, excitement, expectation. Then we really begin. Take for instance a long car trip. We have driven to Michigan to see family a couple of times and getting ready to go is always so exciting. The kids are coming out of their skin to get on the road, mom and dad are looking forward to a break from the normal routine and everyone wants to see what's waiting at the end of the road. Then you hit hour 8 and those initial feelings are all but gone. It's now too hard, your butt hurts from sitting for so long, the company is whiny and nitt-picking, the scenery doesn't seem to change much and you wonder if the family waiting on the other end is really worth all this trouble, wherever you are at that moment looks like a great place for a vacation!

Isn't that similar to the life of a dieter? When we start on a plan to change our lives we're so excited, this time is going to be it! We have great expectations for ourselves and we can even see in our minds the result of the journey. Then we get a week or two into the trip and we're wondering what the heck we were thinking. This is hard, the scale isn't moving as fast if at all, maybe I'm just meant to stay this way. The temptation to stay where you are or turn back is always lingering. Where did the confidence go?

The Bible says, "Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:4-5. I am completely incompetent in and of myself, I cannot place my confidence in that - I am unable to take this journey to the end. I may be able to start on my own, but I won't last. No, I must be confident in Christ Jesus who lives in me, through Him I am competent, because it's Him in me!

So where are you placing your ability to walk out this journey? Are you depending on yourself, your strength, your resolve, your determination? If so, you will fail. We must rely wholly on Christ. He is the only One who can take us to the final destination, and He promises that the final destination is worth every grueling mile of the trip. He will not fail us, He will hold us up, He will deliver us from temptation, He will encourage us, He will give us wisdom, He will guide our steps... as we place our confidence in Him, as we rely on Him.

More than losing weight, this is about dying to ourselves, every bit of ourselves, so that we can live the life that God has imagined for each one of us. So walk in confidence, hold your head up high and look to the One who goes before us, walks beside us and guards behind us.


"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
— Henry David Thoreau


Confident