To Be Held...

Have you ever agonized over a decision? I'm sure you have. Have you ever needed to do something that wasn't the easiest but was the best for your family? I'm sure you have. Have you ever been judged? I'm sure you have. 

Have you ever been ostracized?
................................... lied to?
................................... taken advantage of?

As I'm sure you have, that is exactly what I've been walking through the last 9 months. Ever since we began looking for a new job and then felt we found it we've been battling for what we believed God said is ours.  And we battled and we won. Brian got the job, we made the move, done. Let the party begin, right? Not exactly.

See, the fight was only just beginning. We never believed that this job in and of itself was the fullness of the blessings God has for us. We do believe that it was a turning point in our lives as we begin to walk in the promises and dreams, the blessings and favor that God has for us. And that is when the real battle began. 

I cannot go into details about the battle, it really doesn't matter, we all have battles, mine are no greater than yours. When you're in the battle some days you're strong, others you are miserably weak. Some days you can see the victory and then you turn a corner and are blindsided by a new attack. Some days my heart is full of faith and others my heart is just broken. 

When my surroundings begin to suffocate me, when the night brings no sleep, when my eyes are blurred with tears it is then that I must simply be held. I must hear my King tell me that He is for me, that no weapon formed against me will prosper and He is in control. He fights for me, He is my defense and if He is for me who can be against me? 

Oh how I need to be held. To feel the warmth of my Father wrapped around me like a warm blanket. To hear His heartbeat and be filled with the peace it brings. To sit and be held, to let the tears fall, with no words to speak, He knows. He knows my heart. He knows how I hurt, He knows my fears, He knows and understands my confusion. 

When I don't even know what I'm feeling, He knows. 

In the midst of this battle I won't give in. What God has for me is worth fighting for. Don't be fooled by the tears, my resolve is set. I want all that God has for me and my family and I will not give in to the taunts of the enemy. I will not listen to the jeering and lies. Rather I will lift my voice and sing to the One who has declared that vengeance is His. Through it all I will continue to praise Him. I will not be silent. And when it is necessary I will crawl up on my Savior's lap and allow Him to heal my brokenness, restore my strength, give me wisdom and ready me for war.

I am forever His and His is eternally mine.