WHY?

Today's reading is Job 10-13. Again, we continue on with the lamenting of Job and the words of his friends. Towards the end Job is simply desperate to ask God why? What did he ever do to deserve this?

Yes, I am quite familiar with the "why's". And I am familiar with it on both sides of the coin. For example:
                Why am I not prospering like Susie Q?
                Why can't things work out for me like they do for Betsy?
                Why did my dad have to die?
                Why didn't you spare me from that bad relationship?
                Why aren't you doing anything to help me?


And then on the other side of the coin (although I am here much less often):
                 Why did you bless me with such an awesome husband? 
                 Why did you bless me with such amazing kids?
                 Why did you die for me?


A lot of questions, not a whole lot of answers. It's easier for me to get the answers for the second group of questions, that's simple... God loves me. As ridiculous as that sounds to me and as undeserving as I may be, He loves me. So what about the first group of questions? It seems  contradictory to say how loving God is and then look at all the "bad" stuff in life and know that He is in control, so what answer do I get for those things?


I honestly don't know. I know that some things are the result of choices that I have made, poor spending habits, poor relationship choices, not listening to God and following His wisdom. And then there are other things that don't fall into the category of my own making. Take for instance my dad dying. I was 17, I did nothing to cause or bring about his death, but it still happened and still affects me to this day. So why? I don't know. But I do know that God has caused even that to work out for my good, I never would have met Brian and wouldn't have my beautiful children or my walk with the Lord had I not walked through losing my dad. 


I remember in March of 2008 I found out I was pregnant, and then soon after finding that out I miscarried. I can so clearly remember sitting in the ER by myself, in a cold, white room alone with my thoughts. Nurses would come in and out of the room and take blood and I went for an ultrasound, all the while deep in my heart I knew this baby was never going to be in my arms. I felt so alone but God spoke to my spirit and over and over reminded me that He would never leave me or forsake me. And I asked God why. Why was this happening? So clearly I heard him say to me that I was not exempt, we as Christians are not exempt. Exempt from what? Exempt from the affects of living in a fallen world. And that was enough for me. And God knew it would be enough. I didn't get any other wonderful words of encouragement or love - just I will never leave you or forsake you, and, you are not exempt. 


Although I am not exempt from the affects of this fallen world, I do have the privilege of never walking through it alone. The maker of the universe is always with me to give me peace, hope and joy through it all. I can't imagine how people make it through difficult times without God to walk with them? The difficulties that I walk through today are tomorrow's victories and God's glory and hope to a lost and dying world. Oh, and as a side note, somehow, miraculously, 2 weeks after miscarrying, I was pregnant again and now my sweet little Jenna is 13 months old. I can't imagine someone else being here instead of her! And I am also looking forward to meeting my child in heaven someday. (I think he's probably hanging out with his gramper until I get there.) :) 


Although we may not get the answers we want right now. We can trust that our God is a loving God and His plans for us are good, He is working all things together for our good and one day, on the other side of eternity, I believe that we will get the answers to the why's, but at that point, I really don't think we'll care.