Fuzzy Focus

All to often I feel like I haven't done much of anything with my life and that I should be striving to do something meaningful and important. I don't take into consideration my role as wife and mother when thinking about these things. I think about what my kids will be able to say that I do besides be their mom, I want it to be something great. I want my life to be significant in some grand way. I would love to sing songs that reach the multitudes, or write a best selling novel or something along those lines. I've tried to figure out how to do those things, (I've even written a book, which has yet to be desired by an agent). My quest for figuring out what I was made for beyond motherhood has left me frustrated and at times depressed. 

I have frequently pondered the question, what did God create me for? And I always throw in, "besides being a mom and wife". As much as I love those things, and really most of my childhood all I wanted was to be a mom and wife, I still feel like I was created for more, but what? After my father died my senior year in high school, all the plans that I had in my head of how my life would play out suddenly took a very different turn. I was all set to go to FSU in the fall and instead stayed home and went to UCF for a whole semester before dropping out. I have tried several times to go back to school, but with working full-time and then children, it just wasn't a priority or something I really wanted. 

So does that mean that this is it for me? At my funeral will they say, she was a great mom and wife and then end the service? If that is the case am I content with that? So many questions. So what answers do I have?

Although I may not know what my life will look like 10 years down the road or even a year down the road, I do know that right now, today, what God has set before me is to in fact, be a wife to Brian and a mom to Trevor, Nathan and Jenna. And if that's all then that's more than enough.

I don't know what my future looks like, it's a fuzzy, far-off picture that I can't clearly see, but I've been spending so much of my thought life and energy focusing on the fuzzy picture and ignoring the crystal clear view that is right in front of me. I guess it really doesn't matter what my future looks like, what I'll be doing and where I'll be doing it, because as long as I stick with God, I can be sure that it is a beautiful picture. The bible promises me that His plans for me are good.

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

So I have made a decision to live in this moment, the one I'm in right now. I'm going to be content with what God has given me and I am going to squeeze the most out of this moment. I'm not going to waste my time staring at a fuzzy picture that no matter how hard I try I can't bring into focus. I am going to keep my eyes on the Lord and day by day take what He has for me with open arms and a grateful heart. 

What about you? Are you so concerned with the future that you are missing what God has for you today? Maybe you're not concerned with what you should do with your life, maybe it's something else; finances, children, marriage, housing, ministry? In Matthew Jesus talks to us about this whole focusing on the future thing, aka worry. 

"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life..." Matthew 6:25

That's it, plan and simple, do not worry about your life. He goes into detail about what that means and then He tells us what we should focus on,

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness..." Matthew 6:33

To seek His kingdom first is to take one day at a time and follow Him and obey Him throughout that day. Go where He leads, speak what He says, love as He loves. I guess it's much more simple than I've tried to make it. 

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things." Matthew 6:34

And really, what do I care what they say about me at my funeral, I won't be there anyway.