Jesus, My Friend

I was barely 17 when my father passed away suddenly. I had just really come back into a relationship with the Lord and was devastated to think that God would allow my father to die. I remember a few weeks after his death I decided to try and go back to church. I had to at least try. I remember sitting in the pew and feeling out of place. I was alone. The music played and the congregation sang hymns. Then they started to sing, 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'. My body tensed up, I hung my head as a parade of thoughts marched through my head.

"What kind of friend is Jesus!? He took my daddy."
"This is a joke, Jesus is no friend."
"I don't need a 'friend' like this."

One by one the thoughts marched by and moment by moment the anger and hurt grew until I could no longer stand there. I closed the hymnal, gathered my things are walked out of the church. It would be several years before I would return. 

Over the years I would occasionally hear that familiar tune and I would be instantly transported back to that small church. Each time the words becoming more of a sweet truth and less of a painful stab.

Fast forward almost 18 years. Much has changed in almost 2 decades, but Jesus hasn't. I am no longer that young, hurt, confused and angry girl. Now I am a thirty-something wife and mom desperate for more of God. But today I was reminded of that hymn.

You see, 10 months ago we made a big move across the country. It was a good move, one we'd prayed and hoped for. But it is also difficult. It is difficult to walk into new places with not a single familiar face, week after week, month after month. I've never made friends easily, and I've never had lots of them. But everyone, whether you make friends easily or not, wants to be accepted and known. 

So as I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself the Holy Spirit reminded me that I have the best friend of all, the Friend that loves me when I'm unlovable, the Friend that helps me when I am helpless, the Friend that forgives me when I don't deserve it. This Friend will never not have time for me, will never tire of my company and will never, ever forget a promise. I'm so glad that I can now sing the words of that hymn from a heart of love and gratitude, and the rest will come, I am sure of it, because my Friend gives me the desires of my heart.

"There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

What a friend we have in Jesus

all our sins and griefs to bear.

What a privilege to carry

everything to God in prayer.

Oh what peace we often forfeit;

oh what needless pain we bear.

All because we do not carry,

everything to God in prayer

Have we trials and temptations?

Is there trouble anywhere?

We should never be discouraged,

take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful,

who with all our sorrows share?

Jesus knows our every weakness,

take it to the Lord in prayer

Are we weak and heavy laden,

cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior still our refuge;

take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do they friends despise, forsake thee?

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

In His arms He'll take and shield thee;

thou wilt find a solace there.